Now that we are fully into 2011, I thought I would comment on our ever-changing lexicon. After many years acting as a writer, editor, and teacher, I have witnessed many funny misuses of our English language. NOTE: Some words have been altered to protect the guilty. Here's a few for your viewing pleasure:
Conjusted (word attempted was congested): the justice we feel when our coworkers, who so smugly said that they never get the flu because they take the flu shot/vitamin C/zinc, come down with a head cold, complete with red nose, watery eyes, hacking cough, and overall feeling of "blah." We don't want to say "I told you so," but...
Spermatic (word attempted was sporadic): the ATM at the sperm bank. Now with no fees for early withdrawal!
Presindents (word attempted was presents): the gift that keeps on giving. Every election year, all the good boys and girls wait for St. Nick to leave them shiny new Nixons and Clintons under the tree.
Absorptions (word attempted was abortions): people are currently marching for sponge rights as we speak.
Neuter and Spay (in this case the right word was used, but the meaning was confused for nurture and spray): This month is "Spay and Neuter Your Animal Month." Remember, be kind to your animal. You should neuter your dog or cat every day. They need your love! And spay at least twice a month. More often is your pet is prone to getting dirty. A clean animal is a healthy animal!
Yes, spelling can be a challenge. But never fear! Your spelling can be improved with punctuation. When in doubt, sprinkle in a few commas or apostrophes for good measure.
Weath'er (word attempted was weather): the technical term for an interrupted weather pattern. Used most often during days with scattered rain showers.
Room'mate (word attempted was roommate): when you want to ensure your flatmate is from Down Under.
Petal,stool (word attempted was pedestal): because sometimes honoring someone isn't enough. In those times, you need to find a chair shaped like a flower.
Heehee. I really can't stop laughing at that last one.
DISCLAIMER: These were (mostly) real errors, though none of them came from my student essays (so all my students can breathe a sigh of relief).
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