For All You Bleeding Hearts Out There...

You knew I wouldn't let you down.

Not today of all days.

People giving their hearts to one another; everyone decked out in the color of blood...I can't think of any holiday with imagery as gory as Valentine's Day.

Here's a few films to help you remember the true meaning of the holiday:
 

Valentine (2001), starring David Boreanaz and Denise Richards

I only wish this movie had been half as creepy as the trailer. It's pretty much your typical, glossy, Scream wannabe, PG13 horror film. Not horrible, but completely forgettable.

I much prefer...



My Bloody Valentine 3D (2009), starring Jensen Ackles (need I say more?)

I loved almost everything about this remake...and not just Mr. Ackles (sigh).  One of the few times I've liked the remake more than the original. This movie was just pure fun. It didn't take itself too seriously. It had the perfect mix of humor and horror. It made good use of fake blood and cheap scares. The 3D aspect just amplified the enjoyment. A popcorn flick at its very best.

Here's the original, in case you missed it:



This was the trailer from the original 1981 movie. Honestly, this is just one of the many horror movies that followed the formula set by Friday the 13th (1980). Still, not a bad movie to watch if you're in the mood for that sort of thing.

Maybe zombies are more your thing?

How about zombies in love? Be still my not-beating heart...



Boy Eats Girl (2005)

I actually saw this one on television recently...on SyFy, I think? Or Chiller? Decent film, but if you really want quality horror, read on...




Roman (2006), starring Lucky McKee and Kristen Bell (Dir. Angela Bettis, Written by Lucky McKee)

This film snuck up on me. Yes, on one level it is a great horror film: boy meets girl, boy obsesses over girl, boy kills girl and keeps her body around in his apartment.

But on another level, I don't even feel comfortable calling it "horror." As with most of what McKee and Bettis do, there is something hauntingly and painfully human about this film. Every character has a place in my heart. I feel for them in a way that I don't usually when I watch horror films. The film stuck with me. I've watched it many times, and I still find new things about it that I like. Just watch it.

Feeling warm and fuzzy yet?



May (2002), starring Angela Bettis, Jeremy Sisto, and Anna Farris (Dir./Writer Lucky McKee)

It's really the universal story, isn't it? After all, we are all just searching for our "perfect mate"? Isn't that what Valentine's Day is really about?

Believe it or not, there were too many Valentine's Day horror movies to list here. I guess there is just something about this holiday that brings out the inner psycho in all of us. Only one question now...

What will hubby and I watch tonight to celebrate?

A New Dictionary for a New Year

Now that we are fully into 2011, I thought I would comment on our ever-changing lexicon. After many years acting as a writer, editor, and teacher, I have witnessed many funny misuses of our English language. NOTE: Some words have been altered to protect the guilty. Here's a few for your viewing pleasure:

Conjusted (word attempted was congested): the justice we feel when our coworkers, who so smugly said that they never get the flu because they take the flu shot/vitamin C/zinc, come down with a head cold, complete with red nose, watery eyes, hacking cough, and overall feeling of "blah." We don't want to say "I told you so," but...

Spermatic (word attempted was sporadic): the ATM at the sperm bank. Now with no fees for early withdrawal!

Presindents (word attempted was presents): the gift that keeps on giving. Every election year, all the good boys and girls wait for St. Nick to leave them shiny new Nixons and Clintons under the tree.

Absorptions (word attempted was abortions): people are currently marching for sponge rights as we speak.

Neuter and Spay (in this case the right word was used, but the meaning was confused for nurture and spray): This month is "Spay and Neuter Your Animal Month." Remember, be kind to your animal. You should neuter your dog or cat every day. They need your love! And spay at least twice a month. More often is your pet is prone to getting dirty. A clean animal is a healthy animal!

Yes, spelling can be a challenge. But never fear! Your spelling can be improved with punctuation. When in doubt, sprinkle in a few commas or apostrophes for good measure.


Weath'er (word attempted was weather): the technical term for an interrupted weather pattern. Used most often during days with scattered rain showers.

Room'mate (word attempted was roommate): when you want to ensure your flatmate is from Down Under.

Petal,stool (word attempted was pedestal): because sometimes honoring someone isn't enough. In those times, you need to find a chair shaped like a flower.

Heehee. I really can't stop laughing at that last one.

DISCLAIMER: These were (mostly) real errors, though none of them came from my student essays (so all my students can breathe a sigh of relief).